Like many of you out there who are afflicted by PCOS, my diagnosis has been a long time coming. I exhibited symptoms of this condition from a very young age but since there wasn't much known about it back then, it was basically dismissed as just a "hormone imbalance" or "my system being out of whack." I was told that there really wasn't much I could do other than just accept things as they were and hope that my system would eventually correct it's own "glitches". I know people were trying to do the best that they could at that time, but boy were they misguided.

For most of my life since I began to have my monthly cycle (which started at 10 years old in my case), I have never had what could come close to being called a "regular" menstrual cycle. I would have regular periods for months at a time and then all of a sudden I would miss them for a month or two. As I got older, they became less and less frequent and I actually began to think that it was my fault because I was not a happy camper to be having "the curse" as I had been told it was. I had even gone so far as to pray for my periods to stop because thy were so uncomfortable and annoying to me at that time. So when they stopped coming as often, I was a little pleased at first because I didn't have to go through that whole monthly thing with the cramps and bloating and missing out on being able to do things like the other kids could. But going back to the feeling to blame part, I thought as I got older that my mixed blessing was my fault because I had asked God to make it go away. If only I had known then what I know now, I could have saved myself so much unwarranted guilt and depression.

And yes, depression has been no friend of mine for quite a while too. Originally I thought my depression stemmed from certain things that have happened to me in my life (trust me, the stories I could tell would make some people cringe). The more I have learned about PCOS, the more I have learned that the excess weight (another unwanted "friend"), the excess hair, and of course the absence of my monthly menstrual cycle were very clear signs of this condition. Finally I know that it had nothing to do with anything I had done or prayed for, but was something I was actually been born with and have no control over. At least not in the sense that I could have prevented it from happening to me. But I still had so many questions at the time and fought to understand this condition that seemed to be robbing me of my most fundamental feminine qualities.

When I was 19, I married a man who came from a very large family (3 boys, 3 girls in addition to mom, dad and a ton of extended family). Having also come from a pretty large family, I wanted to have children but we put off trying until we were a little older and more established in our lives. By the time we started trying, I found it extremely difficult to get pregnant and explored as many options as I could afford to, which wasn't very much at all. We tried for almost 2 years and had no luck at all, which didn't surprise me considering the fact that I had only had about 3 periods during the time we were trying to have a baby. Every time we got our hopes up only to have them dashed, it hurt more than I could have ever imagined I could hurt, and it broke me down a little more each time. I began to feel like a failure as a human being, and most of all, as a woman. After all, I was expected as a woman to get married, have babies and be a good wife and mother. As much as I wanted to do that, it just didn't seem like the mother part was going to happen.

I am now 34 years old, have graduated from college and now back for another degree, and am engaged to a wonderful man who is my true soul-mate. We are engaged to be married on March 31st, 2006 and it was our desire to try to have a family together that led to my being diagnosed for certain with PCOS. I now know that there are treatments for this condition even though there is no cure for it. I also know that even though the chances might be slim to none, there is a possibility that I might finally realize my dream of being a mother. I am dedicated to losing weight, eating right and taking my medicines, along with doing anything else that is necessary for me to try to achieve this goal. And I temper it all with a very strong and determined faith in Our Heavenly Father and all that he is capable of. I will leave it in his hands and trust that he knows what is best.

I thank you for your interest in both my story and in this site. I hope that you will learn something here or perhaps see some similarities in our stories that may assist you in understanding PCOS and its impact on your life. Blessings to you all and may you find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

~Crystal S.~